Episode 2: Online Dating with Jim O’Brien

One of our OLDEST friends, Jim O’Brien, joins us to talk about the trials and tribulations of online dating. Tina-Louise talks about her recent foray into the world of online dating and Tara Jean talks about the ever so icky world of online dating for married people (there’s more than just Ashley Madison–insert gasp here).

Also, buckle up for our very first installment of, TRUSH OR TRASH! The segment where a guest tells us a crazy story and TL & TJ have to figure out of the story is true, or if it’s TRASH!

Thanks for listening and make sure to send us a DM or a Tweet with your thoughts about the episode! We LOVE hearing from you!

Tara Jean, Jim O’Brien, Tina-Louise in the jungle…

TRANSCRIPT:

Tina Louise Eckert 0:16
I would like to welcome my hipster best friend Tara Jean O’Brien

Tara Jean O’Brien 0:21
And this is my best friend Tina-Louise Eckert.

Tina Louise Eckert 0:35
I’m single.

Tara Jean O’Brien 0:36
And I’m married. And this is single versus married.

Tina Louise Eckert 0:43
the podcast.

I tried to make podcasts and well, professionals.

Tara Jean O’Brien 0:49
You did great, great, nailed it. you know what else is nailing people who online date.

Tina Louise Eckert 0:55
That’s today’s topic.

Tara Jean O’Brien 0:58
And so online dating to Me is kind of like when Earth began. I don’t I have no you weren’t there. I wasn’t there. And I had we hear about it. It’s like a rumor and the rumor mill. It’s like if I read about it in the newspaper, when the telegram comes in Well, the telegram comes in they say there’s a thing called Tinder. I’m like, Oh, is that word?

And by the way does also would it’s also what

Tina Louise Eckert 1:25
I get it.

Tara Jean O’Brien 1:26
Yeah, no art and I and even when you were in your long term relationship, we that was there was it wasn’t a thing. It was like people it was like what true weird friends we’re doing. Yeah. Because also we had that that idea of what internet dating like the internet was, it was like, just creepy old guys sitting in there like apartment like trying to find young girls. Like I remember that. Like we first got a computer at my house and like email, and I was AOL. And there was these things called chat rooms. And I was like, Oh, I want to meet people and like you didn’t know that weird dude in the fucking chat room.

Tina Louise Eckert 2:00
Eating onions

Unknown Speaker 2:03
red like flaming hot Cheetos. No. online dating when you heard like your friends are doing it that was a weird

Tina Louise Eckert 2:08
but also like, Why? Why good like you’re you’re a good looking guy or you’re a normal person to go to a bar.

Tara Jean O’Brien 2:15
Any friends

Tina Louise Eckert 2:16
supermarket yeah supermarket, your metrics, the supermarket. Oh wait definitely got hit on it supermarket.

Tara Jean O’Brien 2:23
I don’t. I mean, actually half. That’s right. But it’s such a like, that’s so weird. I haven’t thought about that all the time. It’s

Tina Louise Eckert 2:31
really been history really makes me feel good sometimes when I go to my local supermarket, and it really does,

Tara Jean O’Brien 2:36
like live in a neighborhood where like Olympians live

Tina Louise Eckert 2:39
so hippies

Unknown Speaker 2:44
I don’t know, it’s all it. Listen, I have almost no reference point for this. I think it sounds terrifying.

Tina Louise Eckert 2:49
And also, like, I’m so new to it. I mean, I was with that for 10 years. So when the big boom went off where everyone was getting on board. I never ever even knew I knew for my friends I heard stories but like, I’m so behind on the times right now like

Tara Jean O’Brien 3:04
I’ve been to two weddings where people met from eHarmony and remember the first one that was probably like seven or eight years ago I remember seeing art I’m like, so crazy they met my heart like that’s a thing like that’s works. It’s real. Yeah. Weddings from eHarmony people I

Tina Louise Eckert 3:19
know. You know also I’ll tell you off off the thing but we know somebody alpha one of the free ones to which I think is so funny like an OK Cupid like they met off at that and got married. What I know, I can’t wait to read this. One who invests in a monthly subscription and you still found? See there’s hope. There’s hope. That’s the route I’m going so I’m not going to invest? A I don’t want to do that. 500 questions. I don’t even ask myself questions. 500 questions. I don’t know. I’m just really using a big number because I think anything over 25 will feel like

I remember when the wedding we went to that was eHarmony he did tell me it was a lot of questions.

I want to talk about that. He got kicked off. I’m not gonna say what you got kicked off. eHarmony he got kicked off eHarmony I gotta know if you’re gonna say it. But then he just got a new email.

And they were like, he didn’t like how you answer the questions, and then he had to do it again. It was all about something about like, Did you always about monogamy?

Tara Jean O’Brien 4:18
Yeah. And then he was like, kind of like, you don’t say on a dating like on eHarmony is to monogamy Yeah,

Tina Louise Eckert 4:25
this is a big of a deal. I’m not really looking for it. They’re like, it’s he.

This is exactly why people are here.

Wait, so if you haven’t done that, what have you done? What

I did for a little over two weeks was like two weeks in two days. I did Bumble and what’s been Bumbles? The one where the that where I bump into my husband at night and I go Get off me No, that’s one of these things. You

know, my honeymoon

Tara Jean O’Brien 4:50
got want to do with that. No business here.

Tina Louise Eckert 5:01
was the one where the girl is in charge. So if I am in charge of swiping and I see somebody I like, I can I make the first move. So I say, like I, he now knows that I’m interested, it gives him 24 hours to write me a message, or I can write him a message to him, but then it just puts up more so the guys are not coming to me like I can pick which guys, I like that. And the best feature is if you swipe by accident, and it’s happened, no offense, just someone who just could not be more or less my type English me fugly. Just not my tires are. And I would freak out like, oh, and you could

be like, I didn’t want accident. And then

like it goes away, hopefully before they see it. So let’s see, did they get a notification that that happened? They’re like,

Tara Jean O’Brien 5:47
Oh, this hot girl. Oh,

Tina Louise Eckert 5:50
it might be. But I’ll tell you I would get responses like some guy would be. I’ve had a guy asked me like, Did you mean to swipe on me? Oh, really?

Yeah, I’m like, and you know,

now I’m like, now it’s like Doesn’t it like why are you asking me that? Like a question because it shows their self esteem or they’re trying to like yeah or they’re trying to play me I don’t like it and also I don’t like it I just I’m just so used to organically meeting people but now everyone just I feel like a lot of people distinct find it easier to do it this way you can do it on the toilet you can do it bed. I feel like a lot of people are swiping like early morning or late night you know?

Well it’s like part of that you know, I think it’s also it feels very transactional to me like the whole idea of swiping on a person whatever there is there right there little stats there by thank you because I always get

Tara Jean O’Brien 6:33
some

Tina Louise Eckert 6:34
base and and then it’s like part of your job right like well I gotta find somebody to bang tonight so

like, I guess I mean there’s I mean, obviously there are good ones if you p for people who want to being mean that this is just not something I’m looking at, you know, looking into right at the moment. Did you go on a real dates for mumble I did. I went on three other weird thing was two weeks.

I had a good hair week to get it out there I don’t know it would take a while to go on tape because I felt like the the texting game was strong and that bothers me too because you can be whoever you want via text you can you have more time to think about what is a good react like what’s a good response right you know and indeed to be more flirty it’s it’s harder to flirt with somebody in person and get rejected or maybe it’ll stumble on your words and I would tell the guys like when they wouldn’t go date I would say I want to have a phone conversation first right one I wanna I want to hear your voice you know right make sure it really is you you know it’s not gonna be like a show on MTV punk me I’m not signing that paper right that release form release my image but also I want to see the really have that kind of banter or is this thought out banter

so what So did you talk to them on the phone?

It was so three different people’s one day. Yeah. So I talked to each of them. One of the guys said on the first guy went out with he said, these give me advice because I was new to the site because it was not going to happen with us, like, really good conversation, just no sponsor. He goes, can I give you some advice about being on Bumble? You say suck it. Me advice? Actually, I can’t believe it. I’m like, No, no, I don’t want your advice. Like, I’m not even attracted to you. Like you too. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe

you want any advice?

Like I’m doing something so wrong. Like that. And his advice was not to tell people not to try to enforce a phone call before we meet. What because it goes, if I asked the girl like, well, I want to have a phone call before me. The girl would never meet me because like, girls, I go, What? I didn’t understand how was that? How could you possibly meet somebody

Tara Jean O’Brien 8:41
and not talk to them on the phone? What are they

Tina Louise Eckert 8:47
gonna do with Mickey Mouse with Mickey Mouse, you know, unless you’re in season Mickey Mouse. So then he said, uh, and then the other guy. The second guy said the same thing because, because because it’s so intimate. I rather if I’m gonna see you like, I’ll see you Then we’ll get like do but it’s like one more step intimacy before you see me. That’s like text text is safe text is safe. That’s beyond you say something that doesn’t land right? lol, get out of there. You know, like, you can always backtrack. That’s crazy. No, that was creepy to me.

I would say that the reason I think is it’s kind of a hopeless romantic thing, right? Like if you’re at home and you’re like, ah, I really hope like the other person that’s meant for me is also signing up for harmony or maybe that I did feel like I remember when I was single, like 120 years ago, when you just go like other that person’s out there right? And now this is a way for hopeless romantics could be like, Yeah, but now there’s an extra layer.

And also like we both were looking for each other like that.

I just don’t know how real that is. Now it just seems like Who am I going to bang tonight? I

want you to see my face right now. I see it paint it I’ll tell you why because I don’t like talking about myself that much. Again, that deep. That’s why I don’t want to answer all these questions for like the paid service ones when they have you answer all those questions, but they also In the bio people put down exactly what they want. Because I know it’s like real quick information. I’m not that good at giving out information. So I don’t want to come across, like boring or bland or cold. Also, that’s part of meeting somebody. Yeah. And then I, like want to share these things. I don’t like saying and also i don’t know if i know anything about me know, but like, I don’t know, like, like, I don’t know.

Like, I’m sweating. I’m carrying like, Am I I don’t know.

to certain people like I don’t know, on

a good day.

Like, I have no self awareness.

so crazy. The other thing because I had to, like start looking at this because I obviously had to do literal online research, because I didn’t know anything about it. And we started so I started going down the wormhole of married people who

Tara Jean O’Brien 10:49
online date. So I mean, everybody’s heard about Ashley Madison, right? You’re not talking to art for the last week and I haven’t been talking to art for the last week because it’s weird that there is

Tina Louise Eckert 11:00
Let me just give you some statistics about the whole Ashley Madison thing it operates tell us what Ashley Madison is. Well, Ashley Madison is like an online dating service for people who are married, or at least one of the like, you can be married or in person in a relationship, right? married. So basically, you can be single and sign up for that and wanting to be in a relationship with a married person, which by the way, there’s a lot of interesting online articles about chicks who did that, who were like, I just wanted to have sex on it. Like it’s all very, it’s all very sad to me. Like I felt like every single one was like, they went in with an intention. And then they found it like, Oh, this isn’t what I wanted at all. Like because then maybe what did you fall in love or what? I don’t know. Maybe it works. But anyways, so me thinking this is insane. Who would do this? Well, I’ll tell you. Ashley, Reno

Reno

Ashley Madison operates in 1550 countries in 17 languages. There are 20,000 new signups a day on Ashley Madison. That’s crazy and the average new people born a day I hope more than that

barely,

Tara Jean O’Brien 12:05
just had my baby. Ashley madison.com give me up. I just, it’s just so it’s just such an interesting

Tina Louise Eckert 12:10
But think about it, like, let’s say you’re a wife who wants to cheat on her husband, you go on the site, because this person that’s going on there knows you’re in a relationship. So it’s not gonna make it weird. It’s not like you have to go on let’s say, like, you know, like a, like match or plenty of fish or OkCupid. And then I say, Well, I’m married, but he understands or like, lie about that.

Yeah, I just I don’t know, like it gets we can go much deeper into the psychology of it all. But it’s just it made me really, really sad because at the end of the day, and this is like going back to the whole point of online dating is we’re we’re not getting personal. We’re not getting intimate like we used to like intimacy all I mean, is like meeting somebody for the first time in person or having an aunt like a phone conversation.

I do think online dating works. I mean, it does, but I just like especially because I do mine, like within a radius of where I live,

Tara Jean O’Brien 12:58
which I think a lot of people do. Yeah.

Tina Louise Eckert 13:01
It’s just I feel like it’s it doesn’t feel it can work. It just feels like I think when you’re too real or you come across too earnest, I think because the majority of the people on there and maybe too quick to meet people like we have friends who like constantly on date I you know, I had the friend that got married Yeah, she’s to make index cards of reminding herself of topics and stuff. She talked with guys, she’s talked to so many guys, like without going to date. So that should go to the card to remember what they talked about.

Tara Jean O’Brien 13:31
part time job.

Tina Louise Eckert 13:32
I barely water plants. Could you imagine? That’s like I that’s next. So I come across like real like, like, I don’t want to play the game. I don’t want to play the game. I know how to flirt. This is like my best thing. I want to do it in person. Let’s see my hair. Let’s get this over with but like i don’t i might come across so serious. And I don’t think that plays well. For this whole dating community so far. Like

I’ll tell you why that’s true because 53% of people lie on their profiles.

Well, it brings me to a story. Oh if x We broke up the first year into dating and I remember he had mentioned that he was on match or whatever and I never like thought to think like, oh, did you take it down? Or like, why would you ask because you’re not dating. We’re in serious really serious relationship little over a year. And then we did we we broke up. And it was a good breakup to like, it was like one of those like, Well, I I said like, I respect your wishes, it just doesn’t work for me and like, that’s fine. Yeah. And then someone told me like, oh, like then a couple days later, like he was on match and I went to his profile and I it was not him like it’s not like even the picture used was like, some sort of picture of you and him all he saw was my elbow. But like in this group, like and the the picture of him was like a old pictures of dig and look like and then like in the all the like, the gallery pictures he had, there was like some blonde rich, some blonde, famous girl, but I didn’t know who she was, but he was like, it was like his trophy like Got a picture with her but I know he doesn’t know her and then like even all I get all these inspirational quotes it all the words he did that’s his whole mo but I was reading like this this is so not you like anyone who’s going to meet you This is so not you talks up his profession more than we both know it was but it was weird cuz I’m like this is before I even thought about online dating MyLink right. Just looking at his cow. It was so falsely represent representative. Yeah, I’ve

Tara Jean O’Brien 15:27
representing

Tina Louise Eckert 15:28
representing him.

Wait, so then, okay, so he went on match, but then you guys got back together? Yeah. And then we left it up right yeah.

Yeah, he and his what he said was like whatever he paid for whatever he’s like it was this up I’m not using is not activated. And I didn’t care. I really because at this before I would think you’d be a person like that. Yeah, like I truly do. You mean you trust love art and I trust loved him? Sure. Yes, I believed it.

Can I ask you a question you won’t like? Oh, sure. Do you do you think He left it up and and like met anybody while you guys were together?

I don’t think he met I think he would take any attention I believe yes I think like if he might have did it just to get like just a flirt or attend you know get some flirting attention. Maybe. Well that’s good. Okay, cool.

Tara Jean O’Brien 16:17
Well that leads us to, I would say semi decent person here today.

Tina Louise Eckert 16:21
He’ll be like subpar

Tara Jean O’Brien 16:22
His name is Jim O’Brien no relation to me. No.

Tina Louise Eckert 16:28
Jim O’Brien is really very close friend of our

Welcome to the show Jim and not related to me, O’Brien,

Jim O’Brien 16:34
You forgot some parts of my title go on. The creator

of this friendship

These two besties who met because of me,

sending me edible arrangements every day.

Tina Louise Eckert 16:54
In the the meet and greet episode that we knew we did. Refer to you unfortunately. And we knew this was gonna happen.

Jim O’Brien 17:03
truth will set you free.

Tina Louise Eckert 17:04
And it’s it’s frustrating because it’s true.

Jim O’Brien 17:13
I am the creator.

Tara Jean O’Brien 17:14
let’s let Jim tell. Okay, so Jim, how do you tell your story of how you… and then we’ll correct you.

Jim O’Brien 17:20
Well, my infinite wisdom I was thinking back when I was a younger man, how can I give back to the world?

Tara Jean O’Brien 17:28
First all you were never younger.

Jim O’Brien 17:31
I was in an improv troupe that fell apart like a Chinese motorcycle.

Tina Louise Eckert 17:37
That’s not true at all.

Tara Jean O’Brien 17:40
but that’s true. It was an improv group

Tina Louise Eckert 17:41
But we didn’t fall apart. We went there and I was in there talking about our

Jim O’Brien 17:46
I had to recast the new one. Okay, so buddy of mine and I were like, let’s send out a notification and bring in new talent

Tara Jean O’Brien 17:53
on backstage West

Jim O’Brien 17:54
and backstage was back when there was printed media, on paper.

Tina Louise Eckert 17:58
And you could also sell your eggs on backstage West.

Oh, there was one at the USC like in the like daily Trojan you could also sell your eggs. That’s hilarious.

Jim O’Brien 18:10
And we just had auditions and Tara Jean was one of the talented people who made the cut. And then I knew TL from acting class. And they tar gene was in the new group. And then we started doing shows and I thought bringing TL and they just clicked and they’ve had chemistry ever since. Now, they’re my horrible, horrible fake sisters.

Tara Jean O’Brien 18:36
Or, you know, as much as Jim is a decent person. No, we’re really

Tina Louise Eckert 18:43
so good cop bad cop between Tara Jean and Jim, like, like we both we love them, been in their wedding.

Tara Jean O’Brien 18:50
I will admit that I do love Jim. That’s it. That’s all you get.

Jim O’Brien 18:53
I’ll take it.

Tina Louise Eckert 18:54
And Jim, what is your relationship status for our listener?

Jim O’Brien 18:58
Yes, I am. I have been dating a woman for three months. I’m so excited. And it’s probably ending with a phone call later today.

Tara Jean O’Brien 19:08
No, really?

Jim O’Brien 19:08
Yeah.

Tina Louise Eckert 19:10
Real confidently we hit a wall and not a non fixable non climate. No,

Jim O’Brien 19:15
no, we’re banging our heads against the wall for a while and it’s finally we just hit the wall and it’s like, Okay, this is untenable.

Tara Jean O’Brien 19:22
Did you ever get to meet her? Neither did I.

Tina Louise Eckert 19:25
She wanted to meet me. Don’t you want to wait till she meets me?

Then she can be like, really know what she’s losing out on. Go out for coffee. No, I’m not doing that. All right, haters. Does she know it’s coming to? Oh, yeah.

Tara Jean O’Brien 19:40
Are she gonna listen to this podcast and be like

Tina Louise Eckert 19:46
if you don’t we’re gonna have to do some massive editing.

Oh, wow.

Tara Jean O’Brien 19:54
That was we did not talk about this before the show. Real left field throw.

Tina Louise Eckert 20:00
No, but I’m happy and I’m sad because Jim is I mean, even with this dating me we’ve known you to go through different relationship. So I mean nothing’s nothing’s all anything’s 100% healthy, you know, but like it was I enjoyed watching you go through this process and I think you’re just such a mean i think the world if you don’t think you’re so lovely, and I think how even cultivated this relationship was lovely in a way, even though it wasn’t as orthodox as most relationships start, where did you meet her at gamble and Bumble?

Jim O’Brien 20:29
Oh, it was the best relationship I’ve ever had.

It was bumpy and Rocky, but that all led to growth, you know, we’d have horrible fights, and then it would just make us closer and open up more lines of communication.

Tina Louise Eckert 20:42
That’s one of my words.

Tara Jean O’Brien 20:43
I think he’s shutting down.

Jim O’Brien 20:44
The TL speak is catching.

Tara Jean O’Brien 20:47
It is!

Jim O’Brien 20:48
Meanwhile, did you guys say the reason behind that was that she was raised by someone who’s

Tara Jean O’Brien 20:54
Did we? Anyway, I think we brought it I don’t think we did.

Jim O’Brien 20:57
Yeah.

Tina Louise Eckert 20:58
I was raised by Germans trying to teach me English. Like we didn’t talk about it. So everything was everything was chicken and chocolate for me. I remember I went to speech therapy in a I think it was in third grade and they’re like, I’m like, why am I here? It’s chicken. I’m like, all right, chicken. Got it. Like I just needed a normal adult, a tone. Like it’s not but, you know,

Tara Jean O’Brien 21:21
when you met her mom, and I like, I remember when I met her mama

Jim O’Brien 21:24
was like, Oh, it was so clear. I was like, Oh my God, this woman speaks exactly like TL does. No wonder.

Tara Jean O’Brien 21:31
it was. It was amazing.

I think I called you. I was like, Did you meet her mom? Like, yes, I’m like, it makes so much sense.

Tina Louise Eckert 21:41
So, let me ask you, what made you What made you choose Bumble from a guy’s point of view? Seeing that the woman on Bumble has, you know, the initial first control what made you choose that?

Jim O’Brien 21:52
Um, I don’t know. I just think I didn’t like the other sites. What other sites did you use? I use Tinder. I think I use mache like I tried OK Cupid. Bumble just seemed like it was just a clear it was easier and clearer than me like trying to chase all these women It was like the women who are interested in like, okay, let’s, you know, to you it’s more efficient we use some my time Yeah, it’s like okay, this is something let’s move forward now,

Tina Louise Eckert 22:22
let me ask you this for someone who’s just looking at Bumble, I understand like, it kinda is under the, the umbrella of thinking, well, the girl has more control because she’s going after the guy. But is it also that the guy is like just sits back and just waits for girls to pick him? Like, is there a real switch of control there?

Jim O’Brien 22:39
No, you have to pick all your swipe.

Tina Louise Eckert 22:41
I get it but then the guy just waits for someone to pick them.

Jim O’Brien 22:44
Yeah, I mean, well, you keep looking until somebody responds and then if that opens up the communication then you start talking to them.

Tara Jean O’Brien 22:51
Wait so I’m confused, you so the guys swipe and the girl swipe. So if you sleep swipe on a girl if she

Jim O’Brien 22:56
We have to match first. Oh, once we match then the woman has to initiate the comment.

Tina Louise Eckert 23:00
Okay, so I like 1000 guys can like like my picture and I only like one of them, I think only talk to me, okay?

Jim O’Brien 23:06
Once she starts talking to him, but women can see who has liked them. And the men don’t see who’s like them. So tell the woman talk someone so

Tina Louise Eckert 23:15
for a person like myself who just never done it, like, what do you think the pros and cons of online dating in general are?

Jim O’Brien 23:22
Well, it’s a lot more efficient. Like she said, You do it before you go into bed or when you wake up and you kind of Boom, boom, boom. And if you get a rapport going and the banter is good. Then you can graduate to a phone call, which is normal in my mind.

Tina Louise Eckert 23:36
This is an age thing.

Jim O’Brien 23:39
First time I call the woman I’m dating now she just texts back as if she voicemails. So she doesn’t do the fall. She’s younger.

Tina Louise Eckert 23:54
Yeah. See, I just think it’s an aging. Like who doesn’t wanna talk? Like I do the Mickey Mouse thing. Like what You sound like Mickey Mouse or something. Okay, so you’re doing before you go to bed or you’re doing it like wherever you’re doing.

Tara Jean O’Brien 24:05
Doesn’t that sort of take like the mystery out of it?

Tina Louise Eckert 24:07
No, because you get a lot of flirt chemistry. Isn’t that like people like this text flirting?

Jim O’Brien 24:12
Yeah. But it’s also like some people want to chat forever on text and other people are like, I don’t need a pen pal. Let’s go meet for coffee and see if this has legs and Yvonne. Okay? Either we’re moving forward, or we’re done. Okay, which I get I get both of those. But it’s like, yeah, you don’t want to chat forever with someone who just wants a hit, and wants a companion and wants to be reassured that someone likes them. You know, it’s like, either you’re really into, you know, starting a real relationship or you’re not right. And it’s funny because women present themselves, their profiles the way with what they want to see. Men do their profiles the way they want to see. And so, yeah, we don’t like each other’s profiles like men. It’s like I’m a man, show me what your face looks like. Show me what your body looks like. Show me how far you Live from me, and how tall you are. And then the rest. It’s like your political affiliations, your political affiliations, all that other girls normally put up then grows like, they’ll do. Like, I can skydive, I can yoga on a mountain top. I’ve had a tiger, I’ve been to Machu Picchu. It’s like if you if you just tell me you do yoga, I believe you, right? I don’t need a picture of you upside down in a beach from 100 yards away.

Tina Louise Eckert 25:23
That’s interesting that you said like, I understand. So I’m like, I would make my profile to how I would want someone to see me not how thinking of the guys, you know, and the same thing with a guy. I’ll tell you from a girl’s point of view. I kind of want to see your whole outfit. I want to see what kind of shoes you’re wearing. Like I want to know if you’re a crocs guy because that’s gonna be easy, but like, I want to see your outfit.

Tara Jean O’Brien 25:41
I’d say too, because from chest up that’s deceiving.

Tina Louise Eckert 25:43
Now one can be like, like, do you tuck in your shirt? Like,

Tara Jean O’Brien 25:47
That’s on the list.

Jim O’Brien 25:49
Well, a big thing is selfies. Apparently women hate dude. Especially Yeah, shirtless selfies are like the worst things ever else. And so I let my women friends. Look at my profile and Say Hey, what do you think about this? And sometimes they’ll be like, well, they don’t want you to be just 10 selfies. They want you to have a life like show me the trout Show me your a party. Show me your petting a dog or whatever playing with

Tina Louise Eckert 26:11
right now. I don’t want the kid picture

I almost choked on my saliva. But I want I do like it when a guy is in with a group of friends. Yeah, so I want to see the quality of your friends.

Jim O’Brien 26:23
And you have a watch. Yeah, but yeah, with women, it’s your women hang out with women who are as hot as they are. So if they want green if the one you’re looking for has a group of friends and she’s the hottest one, it’s like, that’s how hot she thinks she is.

Tara Jean O’Brien 26:41
Oh,

that’s that’s that’s deep Jim psychology

Tina Louise Eckert 26:45
Where am I am with that?

Jim O’Brien 26:50
Something to look at! What was my other point I was gonna say Oh, like a woman is like a lot of women will like be filtered or they’ll be have sunglasses and it’s like, if I can Tell what you look like by the third picture I’m done.

Tara Jean O’Brien 27:02
Yeah, of course like cuz you’re hiding that makes sense.

Jim O’Brien 27:05
Yeah. It’s like

Tina Louise Eckert 27:06
How accurate has when you finally get to meet somebody to what they say like if its height or yeah percentage percentage of times it’s true. Yeah. Even even like if I’m about to go on a date with a guy I did like a deep Instagram Facebook search of them, because I was like, I want to see it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But that’s also something I want like double check these pictures I really like they’re not four years old, like exes like I was,

Jim O’Brien 27:28
well, the filters are getting more and more subtle. Yes. And so you kind of scrolling through you’d be like, oh, and then you realize, oh, every one of these pictures is filtered in some way or another or it’s low light or whatever it is like there’s no true representation here. Like usually you can get to one honest photo usually the third photo is the stinker of the bunch, right I could be good picture. Good picture. All you ruined it. Why’d you have to do

Tina Louise Eckert 27:52
and I’ll tell you this one after you know I hung out with a bunch of millennials the other day. They all mean I’m sitting next to them. Looking They all do face tune. They all do body tune. It’s like, what is it?

Tara Jean O’Brien 28:04
Yeah, what is it?

Tina Louise Eckert 28:05
This is what I wanted to talk about

Tara Jean O’Brien 28:07
old people in the room

Tina Louise Eckert 28:11
face tunes like a like a, like a Photoshop that you can do on yourself. It’s very easy like almost, you just kind of go over your picture. It almost does it for you. But you can do it on your body too. It’s a number, I think his top three face tunes and the top three apps and popularity right now. So you can just bring out your cheekbones, pull down your chin, when it comes to body tune, you can turn in your ways pull down your leg, like it’s so I was watching these girls do it and I was like, I know I want my heart to hear the start. And that’s kind of guys do it too. There’s a guy. what’s what’s the men editor that’s the guy one.

Tara Jean O’Brien 28:45
I just want to edit men generally.

Tina Louise Eckert 28:47
it makes it really easy. But when I look at these girls, and they’re like, Junior influencers, they’re very proud of all this. But it’s okay. Everyone has their own little hustle, but I looked at Instagram they’re sitting across from me. They look Nothing like their their pictures are gorgeous. Or Polish like barely Kylie Jenner with perfect lips and heritage eyes. Yeah, they’re sitting across me they do not look like that. So that makes me aware of girls profiles for like these dating sites.

Jim O’Brien 29:15
Yeah, I used to live with an Instagram or an Instagram model in my complex and I looked at her and I’d see her in her pajamas doing laundry and stuff you know, just walk around after she woke up and I looked at her Instagram and I was like, wait, this is you? This is you’re the same person like it is it’s it’s all smoke and mirrors. But then a lot of women will have profiles where their first pictures like man like this crabby angry disappointed. It’s like I already have a mom I don’t need to see that horrible disappointment look like what

Tina Louise Eckert 29:47
did they do to neg to be?

Jim O’Brien 29:48
I don’t know.

I think they’re just like, I don’t know if they’re just, this is what I look like deal with it. You know whenever I see my cats

Tina Louise Eckert 29:57
guys do that too. I will see pictures of guys. They’ll do the real close to their face picture like, like that, because they’re like, if you’re not into this move on, like, it’s like they’re already angry at the system. Yeah,

Jim O’Brien 30:08
exactly. rejection is protection. So they’re defending themselves from not being picked by putting up a bad representation of themselves so you don’t get hurt by No One liking them.

COMMERCIAL 30:18
Hey, this is Tara Jean, and I’d love for you to visit our website at www dot single versus married podcast com. Isn’t it legit? That’s because we have the digital executives who whipped our digital lives into shapes, from our graphics to our website design to our printed media. It’s all courtesy of the fears. Digital executives, she won’t buy it for free. That’s extra we paid for it high recommend mentioned that you’ve heard about her on our show and YouTube can dominate your competition with superior graphics. Find her at WWW dot digital executrix.com. That’s digital executrix.com.

Tara Jean O’Brien 30:57
Would you rather meet somebody through friends or Would you rather keep online dating?

Jim O’Brien 31:01
Well, through friends They’ve kind of been filtered already. Right. And so I don’t have to do the filtering of

Tina Louise Eckert 31:06
Filtering mean warned.

Tara Jean O’Brien 31:08
Yeah. I mean, all right.

Jim O’Brien 31:12
Well, it’s like but on the on the dating site it has, you know, all the has age and political affiliation, all the stuff so I just be like, okay, is that stuff sync with me? Then I can move forward with these people. But yeah, I guess two friends is more organic. That’s how people used to do it.

Tina Louise Eckert 31:26
Yeah. Do you want to meet like, if I said I had a friend I want you to meet which,

Tara Jean O’Brien 31:30
okay, that’s how many of my friends have you dated? The answer is a lot.

And the answer is a couple of them had the same name

Jim O’Brien 31:41
Two redheads

Tara Jean O’Brien 31:41
And two redheads

Tina Louise Eckert 31:43
see, I don’t know, I feel uncomfortable. My friend said I had a friend I want you to meet

Tara Jean O’Brien 31:49
a friend. You wouldn’t date somebody I set you up with? of course, you would!

Tina Louise Eckert 31:52
No, because I don’t want to make it weird. I’m already weird. I don’t want to make it weird.

Jim O’Brien 31:55
I feel like there’s pressure to like, Oh, this is going to get back to the person and they judge me It’s like I’m on. I’m under the microscope.

Tina Louise Eckert 32:02
Yeah, I’m dating a co worker kind of feel.

Tara Jean O’Brien 32:04
Yeah. So what you’re telling me is the hope of the human race is over you guys

Tina Louise Eckert 32:08
No, just all your friends don’t have chances with me.

Jim O’Brien 32:11
Well, it’s like this person

Tara Jean O’Brien 32:12
Then it’s super weird that I’m friends with Keanu Reeves. I had a whole future set up for you.

Tina Louise Eckert 32:15
Except for Keanu.

Jim O’Brien 32:17
Well its like this person still in my circles even if I stopped dating them and it goes badly stop you didn’t stop. Good guy anger then but

Tina Louise Eckert 32:26
you’re a good guy. You didn’t do anything horribly wrong to them. Well, I’m

Jim O’Brien 32:29
one of those second dates. We went to the pleasure chest sex shop. And it was so funny because it was still new. We’re just dating and she have to pay no reason by anything. But we first started off like Joey, just you know, laughing and joking. And then just kind of got quieter and quieter and quieter. We were like, um, it’s pretty late. We should probably get like flag of the red lights and I pull up in front of replacing shoes out of the car before it even stopped.

Tara Jean O’Brien 33:05
Alright, so we’re getting to our favorite segment on the show,

Jonathan Buchanan 33:08
Truth or trash, truth or trash, truth or trash.

Tara Jean O’Brien 33:12
or just Jim.

Jim O’Brien 33:15
What if I don’t know.

Tina Louise Eckert 33:18
This is where Jim is going to tell us a story. Something about dating online dating to our genes going to have 30 seconds to ask him a couple questions about that story. I’m going to have 30 seconds, ask some questions. We’re going to debate it back and forth. And then we’re going to decide if we think his story is a true story. Or

Tara Jean O’Brien 33:36
we know Jim so well, I have a feeling I can’t tell what’s gonna be hard to tell if this is a true story, or if it’s gonna be super easy. I’m so excited. I’m excited for the story. So are you ready, Jim?

Yes. All right. Truth to trash.

Jim O’Brien 33:50
One time I was dating this girl, and our second date, we went to the pleasure chest

Tara Jean O’Brien 33:54
you just said it.

Jim O’Brien 33:55
sorry.

COMMERCIAL 33:58
Back in the day, there was classified ads, which are the original online datings and paper.Met a girl and I don’t know what publication it was. But I met a girl through that. And we talked on the phone. And she did improv, and I did improv. And we were so funny and quirky. And I was like, we should get together on a date. She’s like, great. I live in Silver Lake, which is the other side of the world from Venice. So I draw and there’s no easy way to get there. So I drive out there, and it’s forever and I’m just driving and I have no idea where I am in parts of the city I’ve never been before. And so I get there. And it’s this crazy long, like overgrown pathway to the house, you know, like a like a like to get murdered by a witch. And so I get to the window and I see her in her living room like getting ready. Until I’m like, all this is perfect. I have I get a preview because this is just a little square the newspaper with words. It wasn’t her picture anything. So I was like, Oh, this is what she looks like. And so I look at her and she’s another redhead. And she’s like, I wanted to bail. Like I was like, this is it. I could just bail right now and say I never got lost or whatever. But I was like, I don’t be a dick. He drove all the way out here. So I knocked on the door open door. She was like a, I was like, hey, and we went out to eat, and this local restaurant by her and she got this vegetarian sandwich with avocado on it. And I was like, Oh, is that vegetarian? And she took this huge bite. And she was like, Yeah, and I don’t know if she was fucking with me. Try to get out of the date or what? But she turned with avocado smeared all over her lip. And her gunk in her teeh and she’s like

Jim O’Brien 35:40
bite? And I was like, Are you fucking with me? Like, seriously, like,

it was horrible. I was like, No, I’m good. And then we just kind of finished the date and drove her back to her place. It was just like, Can I Nice meeting you, whatever. Blah, blah, blah. And that was my first One of those

Tina Louise Eckert 36:00
one of those like, you

Jim O’Brien 36:04
No, of the online dating.

Tara Jean O’Brien 36:07
you know on paper. Okay, I’ll go first give me my 30 seconds.

Tina Louise Eckert 36:10
Hold on. Ready? Go and go.

Tara Jean O’Brien 36:13
What city was this in?

Jim O’Brien 36:14
Silverlake.

Tara Jean O’Brien 36:15
What year was this?

Jim O’Brien 36:16
1999

Tara Jean O’Brien 36:19
God, what was her name?

Jim O’Brien 36:21
I have no idea. Really. Bowser?

Tara Jean O’Brien 36:26
Okay, so you guys you

she gave you her address and then you went to dinner?

Jim O’Brien 36:31
Yeah, I wouldn’t picked her up into her dinner.

Tara Jean O’Brien 36:33
Where’d you go to dinner?

Jim O’Brien 36:36
someplace and silver like, like a diner type place. Okay, across from the pie plus,

Tara Jean O’Brien 36:41
Did she keep calling you after this?

Jim O’Brien 36:43
No

Tina Louise Eckert 36:43
Time.

Jim O’Brien 36:44
It was mutual.

Tara Jean O’Brien 36:45
This is gonna be hard. I think it’s gonna be a little harder than I thought. Okay, TL.

Tina Louise Eckert 36:49
Alright, so when you went to her house before when you first looked her up, which is creepy because I don’t even like did you read the whole paper like were you just reading like you When you say the classified ads like were you reading like the death notices too? How’d you get that page.

Jim O’Brien 37:03
It was women for men,

Tina Louise Eckert 37:05
but you

wanted to read that section like you wanted to meet somebody? Yeah. And that tiny square,

Jim O’Brien 37:11
I was online dating before it was cool.

Tina Louise Eckert 37:13
And it wasn’t

any like back then there was Friendster. You didn’t do Friendster? There wasn’t,

Jim O’Brien 37:18
there was no phones.

There was no internet.

Tina Louise Eckert 37:23
Time.

Tara Jean O’Brien 37:25
Like the 1920s.

Tina Louise Eckert 37:26
Let’s talk about this.

Jim O’Brien 37:27
I rode my horse to Silverlake.

Tara Jean O’Brien 37:29
Here’s

what I want to it’s, it’s not saucy enough like thought like, so to be untrue. Like, I feel like Jim cut out a lot more details. It’s a pretty basic.

Tina Louise Eckert 37:40
I know I have a couple more story a question. Okay. couple more questions. Yeah,

Tara Jean O’Brien 37:44
your question. So you should do your another 30 seconds. Yeah. What are you leaning towards?

Tina Louise Eckert 37:48
I think it’s true, because but it is because I think I mean, a sheet you had to buy those. Yes. Like that’s just money. Yeah, any deal and if he has house you absolutely believe the gym answer to classified as 100% I definitely think he looked at the window. Yeah, like I don’t know that like the whole avocado thing worked out and also I don’t know if people were vegetarians back then. There wasn’t it wasn’t really clean la but it wasn’t really cool back then like you’re a hippie vegetarian. What do you have an eating disorder? Come on, eat some meat. He’s from Chicago, like he’s not gonna eat a meat eater. But what I do think is that maybe she had no teeth.

He got that. He had like, a whistling tooth. I think I’m just gonna ask him just to I’m not gonna put the tag on this two questions. This one is you didn’t have a motorcycle back then.

Jim O’Brien 38:36
I did

Tina Louise Eckert 38:36
Did you drive it?

Jim O’Brien 38:37
No,

Tina Louise Eckert 38:38
really? You weren’t you didn’t want to impress her with the motorcycle.

Jim O’Brien 38:41
I don’t want to deal with the Thomas guide on my motorcycle.

Tina Louise Eckert 38:45
Because that’s something he would do. Like, if you’re already going to do this. I do believe you would go on the date. Even when she was like, even even if she was like he said you just drove out there and you still would want sex. I just don’t think he would not. Don’t look so offended.

You don’t want to in 1999 you didn’t want to blow job dude See? So maybe then you follow who he would take the boy I’m gonna say this not to say this is not true because I just talked myself into it he would have stuck around you wouldn’t because if she had any kind of daddy issues he would have jumped on I guess just to get his little pee pee.

Tara Jean O’Brien 39:18
It’s trash.

Tina Louise Eckert 39:18
It’s Trash.

Jim O’Brien 39:19
I would take an avocado mouth blow job.

Tara Jean O’Brien 39:22
So it’s Trash

Tina Louise Eckert 39:23
Trash. Reveal?

Jim O’Brien 39:24
Hundred percent true.

Tara Jean O’Brien 39:26
Dammit!

Oh, I can’t believe it!

Tina Louise Eckert 39:31
You didn’t even want to avocado mouth on your pee pee?

Jim O’Brien 39:37
I didn’t want her when I first looked at the window.

Tara Jean O’Brien 39:42
did she live in the secret garden? What does this place?

Jim O’Brien 39:44
She lives in a hobbit hole somewhere?

Tina Louise Eckert 39:46
That hobbit hole is probably worth something.

Tara Jean O’Brien 39:50
2.1 million or something.

Jim O’Brien 39:51
Yeah it was cool.

Tara Jean O’Brien 39:54
I can’t believe you fooled us both.

Tina Louise Eckert 39:56
It’s that’s also dangerous. So now let’s talk about online dating and stuff what would you did at least an online dating I can send her Jean a picture of the guy who I’m going out with and then I put my locations on to something I do want to talk about as a girl when I go on a date with somebody who I haven’t met before I put it to least two friends put my locations on I think I’ve done it with you one’s telling you that I’m going on this date picture I put my locations on and then I’d let you know what I’m home and then I’ll turn off my locations Yeah, because you don’t know who I’m going to meet I don’t write classified ad You don’t even know if it’s a girl.

Tara Jean O’Brien 40:29
How many classified ads

Jim O’Brien 40:30
No, we talked on the phone, but there’s no texting.

Tina Louise Eckert 40:34
I still don’t know who she is.

Tara Jean O’Brien 40:35
What would have made you call a person from an on, like a classified ad?

Tina Louise Eckert 40:39
what abbreviations where she like that?

Tara Jean O’Brien 40:42
Was she like, gives blowjobs?

Jim O’Brien 40:44
Yeah, I think she might have called me from my ad.

Tara Jean O’Brien 40:46
So you had, what did your ad

What did your ad say?

Oh, please. We if you find it, we need to take a picture of it.

Jim O’Brien 40:53
Jerome Cleary knows.

Tara Jean O’Brien 40:55
Who’s Jerome Cleary?

Tina Louise Eckert 40:57
You know, Jerome Cleary.

Jim O’Brien 41:00
Father time, knows!

Tina Louise Eckert 41:02
No, what, you put an ad in the paper?

Tara Jean O’Brien 41:05
I wanna know what it said.

Tina Louise Eckert 41:07
I mean, you are you still very handsome. You are handsome when I met you,

Jim O’Brien 41:10
I just broke up with my sweetheart, who I came out here with. So I was fast. I just was like trying to be proactive but didn’t want to like really go out. And like be out there.

Tina Louise Eckert 41:22
So the story was trash. You said? You said you answered hers. That’s true. She answered your

Jim O’Brien 41:30
I don’t remember. You know, I know I had an ad in there.

Tara Jean O’Brien 41:33
Jerome Cleary.

Wait, what did what do you think it said What did you what was like basics of

Jim O’Brien 41:39
mine? Yeah, cuz it was like it was like cute, fun funny.

Tara Jean O’Brien 41:44
And somebody answered that? I’d be like boring.

Jim O’Brien 41:47
Slash dangerous.

Tina Louise Eckert 41:49
See, there it is.

Jim O’Brien 41:54
I don’t know. I mean, it’s, that’s the thing about online dating is describing yourself and presenting. It’s very confronting like that’s the hardest part is writing the profile and talking about yourself as I will don’t want to do it as like just let me put up a picture and be like, you know done with it or whatever. That’s why people need to use friends to help them write their profiles.

Tina Louise Eckert 42:16
there’s a there’s a dating app called happen h a p p n, and it’s your friends put your profile up so your friends vet your the guys before you get to meet them

Tara Jean O’Brien 42:26
I know what I’m doing later today.

Tina Louise Eckert 42:28
I do not want your choice.

Tara Jean O’Brien 42:30
Oh, you do.

Tina Louise Eckert 42:33
Could you imagine what Tara Jean would pick for me?

Tara Jean O’Brien 42:36
Yeah, normal person,

Jim O’Brien 42:36
A lifeguard.

Tara Jean O’Brien 42:39
Also lifeguard would totally be on it.

Tina Louise Eckert 42:40
This isn’t real jobs a seasonal job?

Tara Jean O’Brien 42:43
No, like an ocean lifeguard was there like in frickin great shape.

Tina Louise Eckert 42:47
Yeah.

Jim O’Brien 42:48
they were jumping off the Venice pier the other day practicing.

Tara Jean O’Brien 42:50
That’s no joke.

Jim O’Brien 42:51
What if their teachers during the summer or during the winter and then lifeguards? What if they go to pools and like lifeguards at pools. They’re like you You should see my other job. It’s the ocean. This is nothing I can fall asleep with this stupid pool.

Tara Jean O’Brien 43:08
Jim, do you have anything you want to plug or talk about today?

Jim O’Brien 43:11
I have a couple things I’d like to plug

Tina Louise Eckert 43:15
Save it for the classified ad.

Jim O’Brien 43:19
Yeah, there’s a recycler out there.

Tara Jean O’Brien 43:23
By the way, it’s the recycler. It’s online.

Jim O’Brien 43:25
Is it?

Tina Louise Eckert 43:25
Yeah, you know where yard sales are

Tara Jean O’Brien 43:27
exactly.

Jim O’Brien 43:28
Women for men, or men for women?

Tina Louise Eckert 43:30
Where can people find you? Let’s start with that.

Jim O’Brien 43:33
Twitter and Instagram. @jimosowhat

Tara Jean O’Brien 43:35
Jim o so what. That’s gonna say

Jim O’Brien 43:40
I’d like to have not just bots on my Twitter account following me. Be nice to have humans.

Yeah, that’d be great.

Tina Louise Eckert 43:49
And you just had a photoshoot today

Jim O’Brien 43:51
I did. I did a modeling photoshoot for a law office today using my powers for good. It’s helping lawyers.

Tara Jean O’Brien 43:57
This room is filled with models

Tina Louise Eckert 44:00
And if someone wanted to book you as a model, who would they contact?

Jim O’Brien 44:02
Peak models and talent.

Tina Louise Eckert 44:04
That’s wonderful. And we’ll put all the information up. I mean, I can say I honestly could sit here and talk to Jim about more dating stories. Yeah. And also loved out more advice, but I’m sure he has had a lot. I wish you

Tara Jean O’Brien 44:16
we can bring him on again.

Like, that’s not gonna happen. But I just wanna

…it’s not happening.

Jim O’Brien 44:26
We just put links up of dating stories of mine for the fans.

friend of mine was going on a first date with a guy and she got out of her car there next to a park and she was walking up to meet him. And she reached out to shake his hand and a soccer ball flew from the park and hit her in the head.

Tara Jean O’Brien 44:47
It was not relevant to anything.

Jim O’Brien 44:49
That’s a good first day story.

Tina Louise Eckert 44:51
And you know, depending on how she reacted to it, yeah, like did she start getting all like how do you talk to a manager or she laughed?

Tara Jean O’Brien 44:57
She was like, haha, and then she had a concussion.

Jim O’Brien 45:01
She had to lie down for a while.

Tina Louise Eckert 45:03
He’s like, perfect Bingo. Plug that. Jim. Thank you very much,

Tara Jean O’Brien 45:07
Jim, thank you for being here.

Jim O’Brien 45:09
Thank you for having me.

Tara Jean O’Brien 45:10
Do you have any Do you have any helpful links or anything for everybody?

Tina Louise Eckert 45:13
So what I thought was useful, even though it did not give me the answer I wanted is that there’s multiple sites, but two of the most popular ones are you answer a serious question and they tell you which app is best for you of what you’re looking for. And the two they’re totally different questions from quiz. arnim. Probably not even saying that remotely, right? QUIZ ny.com. And then there’s one called xym, bio ZIMB i o.com. But it was interesting. They both asked totally different types of questions like, and both of them told me I should be on match. This sounds like so much work. That’s interest. I really wanted them to be like Bumble. I guess I’m not a Bumble girl. But it was interesting because I guess just from how I answered thing, right, and they say to answer it real quick, and I answered them all real quick.

Jim O’Brien 46:00
Well, the beauty of matches that they use such unattractive people in their commercials. It’s like, wow, if they can get them hooked up, they can get anybody hooked.

Tina Louise Eckert 46:12
And we would like to thank our sponsor, Match.com

Tara Jean O’Brien 46:17
our newest and last sponsor and,

and I know we only just sort of just very lightly touched on the whole married people online dating and Ashley Madison thing, but I’ll tell you one thing. There’s a book called The Five Love Languages, which art and I were going through some things, we had some issues, and somebody told me about that book, and I’d never heard of it. And let me tell you and not for many people, for everybody out there. If you haven’t read it. It is an amazing guide, not just for love relationships, but for relationships with your friends, your family. It’s an it’s an interesting way we all communicate. And I think it’s just a helpful book if you’re out there if you’re struggling because guess what marriage is hard to like we’re talking about online dating and all this but, you know, it’s it’s work and I think that’s it It’s a beautiful thing to work on is a marriage. But it gets hard and everybody gets up against a wall. And I think that it’s imperative as a married person that you you give what you promised at your wedding. And that’s it, you will try. So anyways, there’s lots of books out there, but that’s one that I really liked. And then I really responded to so I totally recommend

Tina Louise Eckert 47:18
it. And there’s also something it’s called, it’s an app called lasting. It’s a guided counseling for couples who write that down. So I before things ended with x, you get the seven days for free, like a free trial, then it becomes like 1199 a month or 799 a year, but it’s a guided process that you do with your spouse. He did not want to do with me. I did but I did it on my own. And you may if you’re looking, because if you’re going on Ashley Madison or something like that, not because you are super extroverted, but maybe you’re not getting what you want from your spouse, which I understand what that feels like. Yeah, I mean, there’s other ways that you can work on it without just getting it.

Tara Jean O’Brien 47:56
cheating on your spouse.

So this was this was great. Thanks again, Jim,

Jim O’Brien 48:02
can I plug something? There’s a thing called a dating plan. If you just Google dating plan, people, a lot of people go into dating and they just kind of like, see what happens. If you really try to meet somebody and get to know someone, it’s a vetting process. You got to vet this person for weeks and weeks and weeks to find out who they really are, to see if they’re right for you to see if you’re safe with them in a dating plan sets boundaries of the appropriate amounts of times, and topics you should be sharing with this person. And it’s good to have boundaries to just not going back. Well, we’re gonna have a couple drinks and see what happens. Oops, I slept with him. I didn’t mean to, you know, and so it’s good to have boundaries around that because people just think dating is just about going out and getting to know people and getting to meet people but spending four hours with someone on a first date. It’s not appropriate. It’s too much too soon. oversharing

Tina Louise Eckert 48:48
I need to hear that,

Tara Jean O’Brien 48:50
because I think I know I’m totally taken aback because like, what a great piece of advice that Jim just

Tina Louise Eckert 48:55
cut off his mic cut out.

Jim O’Brien 48:57
Like sober dating and it’s not just sober from alcohol. It’s sober from being physical, because that really releases all kinds of chemicals in your brain and getting away from that person for a couple of days to get sober from the feeling they gave you to kind of like, organically, like, have a rational, sober view of who this person really is.

Tina Louise Eckert 49:16
I don’t know that I should not be dating yet. Because I know because I mean, I’m very disassociated with like the physicality thing like, like, that’s okay with me talking for four hours. Yeah, like texting every morning and every night every have like, yeah, it doesn’t mean like, you’re right boundaries. But I’m so new to this. I think I’ve met somebody like a normal human out in the world. Things go slower. And I think I would have that. I think with this online dating, I think it’s something I do have to tell myself like I date I need boundaries. Yeah,

Tara Jean O’Brien 49:47
that’s good. Yeah.

Jim O’Brien 49:50
Because the app is a game and it’s getting likes and it’s feeling good and getting a hit from someone liking you and then getting a tetanus start texting that person. They’re just getting a hit and getting Good feeling from that person all day and it doesn’t have anything to do with who the person is.

Tina Louise Eckert 50:06
That’s a lot of information it was a lot of you know the gym I really appreciate that we’ll put that link on the on the site. Yeah, we’ll tweet it out. Yeah, I’ll tweet it out so everyone has access to all the things that we said because I think these are all mean everyone has a different cup of tea and just fine the tea that’s

Tara Jean O’Brien 50:21
mine has joint powder in it

Tina Louise Eckert 50:25
not not like marijuana. They all think you’re old person.

Tara Jean O’Brien 50:28
Like your collagen Yeah.

That’s what I use. Let me tell you go on Amazon peptides collagen peptides Hot Tip okay like our please like us and subscribe. Listen to us. We release a new episode every week.

Tina Louise Eckert 50:41
You can find us on Instagram on single versus married podcast

Tara Jean O’Brien 50:45
on Twitter. We are single v married

Tina Louise Eckert 50:47
Couldn’t get the s. And on Facebook, we are single versus married podcast, a single vs married podcast. We also want to thank Jonathan for music.

Tara Jean O’Brien 50:58
Jonathan Buchanan is the best.

Tina Louise Eckert 51:00
He’s such a guy

and where can we find him?

Tara Jean O’Brien 51:05
@campcassettes.

Tina Louise Eckert 51:07
All right. Well, I want to thank Jim again Jim O’Brien

Tara Jean O’Brien 51:10
no relation to me. I just want to make sure everybody–

Jim O’Brien 51:13
We’re fully related back in the lineage.

Tara Jean O’Brien 51:14
This show is over.

Tina Louise Eckert 51:14
I love you Tara Jean.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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